Eating clean. Well, cleaner. Sorta…..OMG BACONNAISE!!!

•February 28, 2012 • 1 Comment

No, I didn’t eat baconnaise.  I swear.  Not this past week, anyways.  I do have some in my icebox, tho, and it’s actually pretty tasty.

 in a cardiac arrest kinda way

Eating clean, according to Zen Habits, is pretty simple.  It’s eating food that’s in its most natural state, or as close to it as it can be.  This definition can be interpreted many different ways, but I’ll save time and just give my go at.

 does uncooked count as natural?

I feel like I’ve been eating clean since the beginning of January.  I’ve actually worked very hard at it, and would be quite disappointed to be told otherwise.   I also like telling other people how to eat clean

 go ahead, William, find something unhealthy!*

I even bought a juicer.  It’s a cheap one, but at least i’m no longer spending 20 bucks on veggies only to get half a cup of juice out of my blender.  The juice I get out of it tastes awesome, and it doesn’t have all the salt added like a V8. But is it worth the time, work and mess you might ask, and you can go to hell, i’m eating clean and enjoying it.

 an entire roll of paper towels died in the onslaught


* yeah, i stole that from shutterstock.  But it totally looks like William.

So I was wrong.

•February 14, 2012 • 3 Comments

I’m not ashamed  to admit when I’m wrong.  It just doesn’t happen that often.

 it never happens

So, I flipped my shit when I stepped on the scales yesterday morning.  It happens.  I’m really not sure why the scale said what it said.  Maybe it was having a bad morning.  My dog, Newt, always drips toilet water on it when he’s finished drinking, plus it has to watch me poop.  So maybe it was just having a bad day.  Needless to say, I didn’t react well.

it was like this

So I took to my blog and typed my anger out since society says I can’t take it out on my dog.

 sleep tight, Newt.  sleep tight.

Then I got told.

 i know i know…

And of course the next day everything had evened out.  Somewhere in the back of my head I knew it would.  I was just mad.  And I promise, it won’t happen again.

 until it happens again.

Sleep tight.

No more cheat meals. EVER!

•February 13, 2012 • 7 Comments

Let me start off first by saying i’m a little angry.

maybe a lot

Over the past 4 weeks I have busted my ass day and night at the gym.  If you read my blog you know that I do what the machine tells me is 1000 calories in cardio every weekday more.  That’s 5000 calories a week on top of lifting later in the evening 6 times a week.  Without fail.  During those 4 weeks, I have dropped 7lbs.  7lbs!  If I were one of my own clients, I would be doing backflips in excitement.  But for me, I had hoped to see 10lbs.

wtf, scale!? really?!

But I’ll go with it.  I’m happy for a loss and hey, I should have gained some muscle, right? Right.  So let’s go with that.  It was Sunday and time for my cheat meal.  I used to have a cheat day, but those got way out of hand and were shortened to just the meal.  I made barbacoa.  I cooked it slowly in a crock pot for hours, then shredded it in a pan with thick enchilada sauce.  Then it went into the oven until it was slightly crispy.  The results-

not mine, but you get the idea.

They were excellent.  I had them with soft tortillas and touch of sourcream and cheese.  Since I made them, I was even able to keep the salt levels low enough my heart didn’t explode after eating them.  The tortillas were soft (4 grams of fat each) and small, so having three of them really didn’t put me into too much of a tizzy.  Then I boxed the leftovers up so that William could finally get a taste of my cooking.  I was finished and full.  I was exhilarated with my cheat meal.  Enough to make me appreciate all of my hard work for the past week (I do a cheat meal once a week).

Then this morning, I wake up nice and happy and do my normal routine in the bathroom which includes stepping on the scales for my daily weigh in.  *I know you’re not supposed to do that everyday, but shut up because you know you do it, too.

You know what this face says?  It says ‘no more cheat meals….EVER.’
Also ‘why can’t you be more like your brother?’

I had gained back all 7lbs lost over the past month, +1lb just for fun.  I’ll end this by saying, goodluck to eveyone who has the pleasure of bumping into my huge fat ass today.  Time for cardio.

Cheat day!

•February 12, 2012 • 1 Comment

Welcome back Old Man Winter.  It’s snowing outside.  Snow always makes things better.  And I’ve been having a pretty good week.  I made really good choices in the kitchen, despite my wife being home all week.  I’m not saying that she’s a bad influence when it comes to deciding what to eat, but sometimes the meals I cook for myself when I am cutting weight are not always the most appealing dishes.

“but it’s healthy!”

Instead, I served healthy and appealing things like garden pasta spaghetti with lean chicken and fresh mushrooms.  Several of the meals from this week didn’t even have a meat portion.  I did really well with the tomato and rice dish.  My son actually cleaned his plate.  But he also eats pretty much anything I put in front of him regardless of it’s origins.

sometimes he looks at my funny until he tastes it.

I get to take my first progress picture sometime today.  I could have taken it already, but I haven’t.  Which means I haven’t indulged in anything yet.  I’ve had my 10 cups of coffee, black, and my sandwich on whole wheat with mustard.  I decided that instead of a cheat day, i’ll just make it a cheat meal.  Otherwise i’ll get all ‘i’m gonna eat everything’ and freak when I get on the scale in the morning.

So my cheat meal is barbacoa.  It’s in the crock pot right now.  I can smell it and it’s making me salivate.  But I can wait.

William and I had a solid week at the gym I work in.  I went in every morning and burned 1,oo0 calories with cardio and then returned that afternoon to lift.  I have clients peppered in during the afternoons, so our workouts are anywhere between an hour, to maybe a couple of hours on some days.  We lift pretty heavy.

We’re pros.

Neither one of us are really sure why we are weight lifting.  It’s hard.  Our muscles hurt constantly.  I bitch and moan about back day (I hate back day).  But we go.  Six days a week.  Like clock work.  Until now, I’ve never really had larger muscles than I needed.  I’ve been heavy most of my life, so it’s a nice change.  We really don’t know where or when we will stop.  Maybe never.  For the first time in my life I actually fill out a shirt, instead of hang out of them.  The path we are on is a good one, tho.  Maybe at the end of the path there will be a six-pack waiting for me.

– and i’ll do this everywhere I go.

The best part is having a gym partner.  Lifting with someone who has the same goals as you is golden.  Working at the gym I’ve witnessed so many people come in by themselves for a while, then slowly taper off until they’re just gone.  Our days are preset, and I know he’s going to be there each day at the same time.  That really helps me on this path.  Progress is really happening this time.  I can see the muscle growing in places and see the fat disappearing in others.  I’m really excited to see what the coming months bring.

This would be ok.

Cardio, anyone?

•February 4, 2012 • 3 Comments

This has been a strange week.  My wife left town again so I was able to cook all for myself, and I did.  I was just coming off of the vegan week and decided to do high protein during my free time.  I also really wanted to work on dropping body fat through low intensity cardio. 

Cardio has never really been my strong point.  There was a time a few years ago when I began running on the treadmill at the gym.  I had watched the final episode of The Biggest Loser the night before.  They were running the marathon.  Those (still) fat people were running 20+ miles.  All at once.  I am positive there were some shady camera tricks going on, but for the most part, they were doing it.

                                                                                                                            “I knew it!”

I decided after watching them run, that I could run, too.  So slowly but surely I worked myself up to running a good 4 miles a day.  Then I stopped after a month.  I suppose I just needed to prove to myself I could do it.  Also, my gym is running short on bears.

When most people think ‘cardio’ they think about hitting the elliptical or jogging on the treadmill.  Most of the people I know at the gym are all about getting that heartrate up and sweating.  They move as fast as they possibly can on their machine of choice and keep it up until they’ve hit the desired amount of calories for that session.

“How many calories were in that wine at breakfast?”

For years now when I’ve done cardio it’s been the same.  I would kill myself for 30 to 40 minutes with my heartrate around 160 with sweat just soaking everyone around me.  Then I learned I was doing it wrong.  I wanted to burn fat.  One of the things I learned getting my certification for personal training is that the optimal fat burning heartrate is between rest and 135 bpm.  At that point the body is burning 65% fat calories.  Once the rate goes up past 140 bmp or so, your body needs energy faster than it can burn fat, so the percentage slides in favor of straight up sugar in your blood which can be burned much much faster.  In essence, you’re burning less fat on your body and more of the huge plate of food you ate last night.
                                                                                                        which was healthy, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, burning off all of that extra sugar is awesome, even if you’re sacrificing burning fat.  The more of that sugar you get out, the less you’ll have turn to fat the next day.  But what if you’re dieting at the same time and don’t have all those extra calories in the bank to burn?  What happens then?
                                                                                                               But I hit 1000 calories!

So, watch out on the cardio.  Slow things down if you need to.  I know I have, and I’ve had some pretty good progress.  I only have a week before I have to take the first progress picture and put it out there for the world to see.  And we already know how I feel about that.

Progress Pics

•January 30, 2012 • 1 Comment

Vegan week is finally over.  Wow.  That was a long 7 days.  I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy it, tho.  I’m very versatile when it comes to a vegan menu.  There’s just so many things to choose from.   My son and I had a fruit smoothie made fresh with 5 different fruits almost every day.  I ate my body weight in mushrooms and rice.  It’s nice to know you can prepare an entire meal in just 3 minutes in the microwave.

Mine wasn’t nearly this pretty.

Vegan week ended with a bang.  My wife came home from out of town for several days and decided we needed to eat at Chili’s.  Now, there’s nothing vegan about Chili’s.  Not even their salads.  I decided that since it was day 7, effit, I’m eating beef tonight.

Sodium?  What sodium?

Their fajitas are ok as fajitas go, I guess.  All that food and they only gave me three tortillas.  And they were tiny and cold.  Doesn’t matter, ate beef.  More like I ate all kinds of animal flesh because they came with shrimp and chicken, too.  Then, there was the appetizer and the three Dr. Pepper refills.  It was awful.  Is it possible to regret a meal while you’re eating it?  The answer is yes.

My meal was also regrettable just minutes after eating it as well.  Have you ever taken something out of your diet for long periods of time only to have your stomach hate you when you decide to bring it back?  I almost didn’t make it back home in time.

You might want to light a match.

But enough of that.  Progress pics.  I’m beginning week three tomorrow and I am dreading the progress pic after week four already.  Full body pics are the foundation of Body Space.  Doesn’t matter what they try to tell you about giving measurements, posting in the forum or even blogging.  It’s about the full body shot and showing it to other people.  Strangers, in fact.

Hi, it’s nice to meet you.

This single picture, if you can bring yourself to take it, can make your world come to a crashing halt.  Everyone has a self image.  An image that can be good or bad.  For most people it’s a fairly decent image.  Our brains even paste that image on the mirror while we’re doing our hair, brushing our teeth or popping zits.

Damn I’m hot.

There’s nothing as soul crashing as the full body pic.  I’ve only taken a few of them, and they’ve all been killers.  Mine made me scream and jump like a jiggly man monkey.  I almost smashed the screen on my iPad before I remembered that my iPad is my second child and I shouldn’t do that.  That one picture can haunt your dreams and literally make you cry.  It’s a bully that pushes you down in the mud no matter how good your day was and takes your bike.  But it’s nothing compared to the dreaded Progress Pic.  I would kill a kitten if it meant my progress picture would look even remotely better than the first picture.

This will only hurt for a second.

Not everyone on BodySpace is going through this, tho.  A simple browse through the site shows people more fit than I can ever hope to be posting progress pics and profile updates.  I do love to look through the profiles of people just like me who are just busting their ass to make that next picture look better.  Even those that the picture looks worse than the first one.


With week three starting tomorrow and the thought of taking the next progress pic looming in my nightmares tonight, I will tell you this.  I am enjoying the ride.  Now that I have a lifting partner who would bitch at me if I stopped showing up, I am seeing tons of progress.  He and I have both added some major pounds to our lifts in the past two weeks.  I’m starting to think that we may actually be moving in the right direction.  I may even have a great progress pic coming up soon.

If I can find enough kittens